


To thee, a sad lemon.

by CuteSunnyDayDreamer6



Category: A Series of Unfortunate Events - Lemony Snicket, A series of unfortunate events - Books, A series of unfortunate events- Netflix, All the Wrong Questions
Genre: Ducklings - Freeform, F/F, F/M, Family, M/M, Ohana, cuteness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-29
Updated: 2020-04-05
Packaged: 2021-03-01 02:41:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,382
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23367886
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CuteSunnyDayDreamer6/pseuds/CuteSunnyDayDreamer6
Summary: Good god, what have I done...This is a story of an AU I thought of; more info on my tumbler (thecurvedswordcase).The AU is simple really; an AU of, what if the Baudelaires bumped into Lemony.••••••••••••••••••••••••••It felt like yesterday when I last heard your voice.To be truthful I wish it was, but that is not the case and I’m afraid now I will never have the chance to hear it again.So as I sit here looking at your children who have ranaway from an awful man; I can only think of one thing.What am I doing with my life?
Relationships: Lemony is a father
Kudos: 25





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> To Beatrice,  
> Your children I met and safe they’ll be  
> They’re a lot like you I see.

prologue

_  
For the Baudelaire children, all it took to leave their guardian was the sting of pain from a reddened cheek. In most cases, when meeting a new person, one should not judge a person based on their first meeting because one could end up getting the wrong impression. In the case of the Baudelaire children, their first meeting with Count Olaf was the exact impression they were going to get if they were to know him for their entire lives. The impression of an awful man with a unibrow, salt and peppered hair, and a tattoo on his left ankle of an unmistakable eye. An eye that stands for three letters of immense danger and destruction wherever they were found. The initials VFD._

_So why may you ask why I’m telling such things?_

_Well, it came to my attention that the moment I found out of the death of the Baudelaire parents and the knowledge of the Baudelaire children, I will have to fix the mistakes of the past. Yet as I look at the three children eating a well deserved meal I realize that I am in over my head._

_Again…_

_Yet what choice do I have?!?_

_These children._

_They deserved better._  
  
“Mr. Lemon sir, why are you being so nice to us?” Violet Baudelaire said.

“Why would that be a question? Shouldn’t that be the norm?” Lemony said as he continued to type on his typewriter which seemed quite amusing to the children for a man to be caring around a typewriter. Yet they did not stop him from continuing on with his work.

_Violet Baudelaire, the eldest Baudelaire, was a brilliant girl with a knack of inventing and you could always tell when the gears and pulleys were at work in her head when she wore a ribbon in her hair to keep it out of her face._

_A trait she got from her mother._

“Well Mr. Sniks, good norm and courtesy is something we have been falutin in for a while now. So I suppose meeting you is a stroke of luck.” Klaus Baudelaire said

“Luck is not chance. It’s Toil.” Lemony quoted.

“Fortune’s expensive smile is earned” Klaus finished off, recognizing the quote. “Emily Dickinson.”

“One of your father's favorite poets, he always liked American humorists although your mother tended to find plays far more appealing.”

_Klaus Baudelaire, the middle child, was a boy who wore glasses that made him look intelligent, which he was, and would spend hour upon hour reading books in his parents library, remembering every detail given to him._

_A clear trait of his father._

“Thssif” Sunny Baudelaire said.

_Sunny Baudelaire, the youngest Baudelaire, was around the age of one or two who was the size of a loaf of bread and four sharp teeth which left her a good impression in biting hard food along with only being able to speak in baby-like shrieks and noises. So when Sunny Baudelaire would say Thssif, it could have meant something along the lines of “You knew are parents mister?” Which her siblings were quite to translate._

_She probably skipped a generation._

“I knew them for a long time. Before Violet was even born.” Lemony said being careful with his words.  
  
It was considered ill advised to talk of things in a past that he himself had his own questions to. Yet to speak of secrets that their parents were not willing to speak about was not something Lemony had the right to do.

“But why didn’t are parents ever mention you? In fact, why would are parents never mention anything about are guardian? Well. Ex-Guardian,” Klaus said, still understanding as to why Count Olaf would even be their guardian to begin with. Or as to why Mr.Poe believes closest living relatives meant living close by.

“To answer your first question. That is a long story. As to the second, just by what I understand right now is that there was a high chance of a consultant intervening in the situation. I know your parents well enough to say that you three should not be anywhere near Olaf.,” Lemony said continuing on his typewriter but was soon caught off guard seeing a crying Klaus.

“That’s the nicest thing I've heard all day,” Klaus said in between sniffles.

_God I need to help these children..._


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To Beatrice,  
> Your children have many questions.  
> And I’m afraid I have the answers.

Chapter 1

  
Lousy lane, a street plagued by the horrid smell which came from the closed horseradish factory which left behind a handful of scraggly trees produce apples so sour that one only has to look at them to feel ill. But down this road of foul stench lead to the Baudelaire’s new guardian and to be frank, their true guardian, for which Lemony Snicket was bringing them in a yellow taxi he borrowed leaving behind an anonymous note of I.O.U. knowing full well that the use of that note was entirely useless to the taxi’s owner, but that did not stop him from doing so for formal courtesy.

So the kids were happy.

Why wouldn’t they be?

Despite the awful smell of the road nothing seemed to dull the mood of the Baudelaires.

In fact, they couldn’t help but find their circumstances to be strangely Exciting. Strangely, being that they just helped a person they just met and willingly helped him steal a taxi, but on the bright side, learned how to steal a car which is always an added bonus to daily life.

“Where are we going Mr. Sticks,” Violet said in the back seat of the cab along with her two siblings as she looked at the miserable looking trees. 

“We’re heading to the one person who I’m sure your parents would have trusted you with,” Lemony said as he was careful with his driving while taking good notice of the wear on the steering wheel.

“Geedth” Sunny said which meant, ‘And who is this person Mr. Lemonade?’

“His name is Dr. Montgomery Montgomery and I do believe he is related to Bertrand in some way but that would be pointless to talk about; but what I’m sure of is that there is no one better qualified to be your guardian then him. He was close friends with your parents too. In fact we all practically grew up together in the same school.” Lemony said, although he would have not called his place of growing up a school, but rather an institution on special learning that kept tabs on you and sent you on missions with bothersome chaperones. At least his was a bothersome chaperone….

With what the Baudelaires could understand from Lemony’s explanation what left them in questions as they looked at each other in thought. One question they wanted to ask was, how is this man's name Montgomery and Montgomery? Or another question like, why didn’t Mr. Poe bring us here, instead of Count Olaf? But an even better question they wanted to ask was, why should we go to a new guardian when there is a perfectly capable guardian already with us? Yet they settled with a simple question that they felt could give a bigger answer?

“Why didn't our parents tell us about their friends? I’m sure we would have gotten along just fine.” Klaus said as he thought of all the thin interestings they could have talked about from their parents' past. They probably could have been considered family at one point and that way they could have been able to come to holidays and tea parties; maybe in making a book club or enjoying each other’s pretense as they played games and are delicious food, instead of only being his.

But now the Baudelaires wouldn’t have their parents anymore for any holidays or tea parties of the sort.

“Maybe they just decided to stop talking about their friends and just eventually stopped talking to them altogether because they were worried we would think they were strange. I remember when I was younger, my mother would always tell the strangest songs just before bedtime.” Violet said resting her head on the window as she looked at the distant sky of forming gray clouds which gave off the appearance of hands reaching for their direction.

“I never heard any strange songs before, just about sweet dreams and rabbits,” Klaus said as he helped Sunny tie her unraveling tiny shoe laces.

“Well, she stopped telling those strange songs when you were born but you shouldn’t feel too worried, you didn’t mess out a lot; although there was always one song that frightened me more than the rest. I always hated that one the most. Although the words are a bit fuzzy at the moment,” Violet said as she tried not to think about it.

“Maybe your parents stopped telling strange stories and kept you three away from their strange friends because they wanted you three to have a normal life” Lemony said as he thought about his own strange life and thought of all the things that he could have done if he had a normal life. 

If their parents had a normal life. 

If anyone could have had a normal life; if VFD didn't come into their life’s. 

But if that was the case then he would have never had the chance to meet Beatrice or Bertrand or Monty or Hector or Olaf, wait, we could forget Olaf, Widdershins or Josephine. Any of his old associates really. 

“Fjgdh” Sunny shrieked out which meant. “There is a gate in front of us.” Which got the two older siblings to take notice of the opening gate to see giant hedges shaped as snakes.

“Mr. Snickers, what did you say Dr. Montgomery worked as?” Klaus said looking at the peculiar hedges.

“Well I’ll give you a hint, he's not a gardener.” Lemony said as he parked the taxi to a halt as he got out with the kids following him in pursuit.

“Now do stay close and if you see any reptiles walking around, there should be nothing to worry about, they should be trained,” Lemony said, ringing the doorbell to which the door opened revealing a bright man with a boa around his neck.

“Why hello hello he- Lemony! And the Baudelaires! This is a surprise!” He exclaimed as he took in the knowledge of who had rung in the doorbell.

“Hello Monty. It’s good to see you too. May we come in.” Lemony said as he took a good look at Monty after having not seen him for 15 years, he was still the same snakes and all. Although maybe a little more chubbier on the sides. His hairstyle changed; that’s a good sign.

“Of course, of course; come on in. I was expecting the Baudelaires after I heard the terrible news a few days ago but I didn’t think I would be seeing you three come in a taxi, let alone with the infamous Lemony Snicket!” Monty said looking at the children in delight then looked at Lemony, “Does Jacques know?”

“Only what he needs to know.”

“So nothing, well that’s not important. Now then I just finished taking out a coconut cake from the oven right before you all arrived, would you all like some?” Monty said as he put down the boa constrictor which slither off to the kitchen. 

“We’d love to, but my baby sister prefers hard food,” Klaus said and soon noticed the boa coming in holding a tray of five slices of cake.

“Strange for a baby, but not for many snakes,” Monty said pulling out a carrot for Sunny who happily thanked him in baby talk.

“Dr. Montgomery-,” Violet began but was soon stopped.

“Oh do call me Monty if you don’t mind; Uncle Monty when you children get to know me better.”

“Uncle Monty then, when you mentioned Mr. Lemongrass, you said he was infamous, but I’m not sure what you mean?” Violet said, looking from Uncle Monty to Lemony who immediately tensed up.

“But was it not quite obvious? After all Lemony, and all Snickets to be told, have made a name for themselves in the-.” “TROUBLE,” Lemony shouted out, startling the others in the room.

“Infamous is a word which here would mean someone who always managed to cause trouble for both good and bad.” Lemony said as he went back to his common habit of defining to Uncle Monty’s notice and amusement.

“Good to know your still defining words then; come children, there is something I want to show you.” Uncle Monty said to where he started to head off to a heavily locked door in which, of Lemony remembered, was the reptile room.

Now to say Lemony was happy with the sight in front of him was something he could not say. He would be happy if he knew the Baudelaires still still had their parents with them as if this was just some elaborate hoax. Yet that was something he or anyone would be able to see. But he did know one thing that would satisfy his emotions, and that was too being justice to the Baudelaires and- wait a minute. Where did Gustav go? He should have been working for Monty?

Although these questions were soon answered by the sudden drop of groceries and a gasp of surprise heard at the door. 

“Lemony???” Gustav said, shocked to see a dead man clearly alive, “weren’t you dead?”

“Wasn’t everyone dead at some point? I do feel that to be a habit.” Lemony stayed in a humorist fashion as he looked at the shocked associate. 

“Does. Does Jauque know? Does Kit know??? Oh god they don’t know do they?!? I would have heard. But- how???” Gustav said but soon took the notice of the children with Monty. “YOU HAD TIME TO HAVE KIDS?!!?!” 

“There the Baudelaire children which I do believe VFD lost. So I’m going to suggest you answer my questions before I even answer yours. Well start with the simple one. What happened?”

“I’m afraid there are something’s even we are not sure of. Beatrice and Bertrand; they kept quiet.” Gustav said not quite sure of what to say or even if he is in the right so say. “A lot has changed since you left.”

“That seems to be an understatement.” Lemony said as he thought of what hadn’t changed. Olaf is still as troublesome as ever. Monty still likes snakes. His siblings were still following VFD blindly.

“My siblings must not know I’m here, in fact, they should not even know I’m still alive.” Lemony said picking up a honeydew melon and proceeded to throw it in the trash; not because it was bruised or rotten; for personal reasons mostly.

“I wouldn’t even know what to tell them and even if I did, they wouldn’t believe me. Although I was hoping at least Jacques would know; you do have his taxi.” Gustav said as he picked up the groceries he dropped hoping the eggs survived.

“I left an anonymous IOU”

“But wouldn’t leaving it as anonymous fault it’s reason?”

“I was being courteous”

“Fair enough, but how did you manage to bring the Baudelaires?”

“Well that would involve me going off to get a rootbeer float around 11 at night which would lead me to run into three frighted children in need of help. Realizing yoga pants are a hazard to society. Then deciding to kidnap the Baudelaires who cooperated quite happily; steal a taxi. Well verse the children in how it’s alway good to carry nail clippers, yarn, and a bag of marbles. Which led me to take the children to Monty that finally made me realize why mermaids don’t exist.” Lemony said.

“Seems about right.”

“That tends to be the case, now it would be best for me to go and figure out what happened in the Baudelaire fire and as to why Olaf became their guardian.” Lemony said as he collected his belongings to go on his newest case.

“But you can’t just leave. There is so much that needs to be said.” Gustav tried to counter back. But there was no way for him to intervene in stopping him, in the fact there were no possible words that could stop Lemony Snicket from leaving the story of the Baudelaire orphans and go in search of answers to where he would probably never have the chance to see the three children ever again as the Baudelaire children continue on to much difficulties.

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But that is not how this story goes.

“Where are you going Mr. Snickerdoodle?” Violet said as she and her siblings saw Lemony leaving the front door of Dr. Montgomery’s house.

“Well I can see my work here is done and I should be heading off now.” Lemony said, ready to go off and look for answers.

“No!” The children said with a desperate attempt to keep him with them.

“In the amount of time we have met you, you gave us the utmost care and respect that we have received since our parents died!” Klaus said holding on to Lemony for dear life.

“I only fed you and took you three away from Olaf?” He exclaimed in surprise at the sudden outburst of the children. Although now that he thought about it, this could have been another trait received from their parents… Beatrice was always one to overreact in simple problems and Bertrand never did like silent goodbyes.

“Iffite” Sunny shriek out to, which my understanding, would mean ‘Exactly! Not to mention you know are parents well.’

“But- I can't stay. I’ll only bring in more trouble.” Lemony said with a sadden voice. One that the children knew quite well from their own experience.

“In all due respect Mr. Lemon. We already bring trouble to our doorstep and I do believe that people who do draw trouble like a magnet to metal, can make trouble quite bearable when they’re not alone.” Violet said, looking at Lemony with a small yet bright smile. An innocent smile, of remembrance of a simple time back to when their parents were alive and things were quite simple in the world. “That and not to mention Sunny already sunk her teeth into your clothes so you're not getting rid of us unless you're willing to walk out without your clothes.” She added which brought the attention to Lemony of the sudden weight that was attached onto him in the shape of a baby.

“Eeigh” Sunny muffled out which meant “I will never let go!”

To this day, what went though Lemony’s head was still a mystery. Probably it was the worrying thought of having to walk outside without clothes on, or the nagging sense that his brother is probably going to be furious at the sight of his taxi being driven around the city by someone that left an anonymous note.

“You three really have no intention in letting me leave this house?”

“I would say not letting you leave this house but rather not let you leave are sight and securing the knowledge that you are alway with us literally.” Klaus said debating on whether Lemony should be allowed out of the house; being the fact that in the few hours he knew Lemony, managed to help in his own kidnapping and stealing a car. Yet the only thing he can think of right now is if Lemony was willing to make the cream puffs he mentions that were said to be delicious by his parents.

Lemony looked at the children then to the two grown ups standing at the other end of the room looked very happy at the thought of having Lemony stay. Then there was a moment of pause and a long sigh came his answer.

“Lemony.” He said as he looked down at the now confused kids.

“If I am going to stay then you're going to have to call me by my name and I’m not that old to be called Mr. Snicket either. So should we introduce ourselves properly?” Lemony said as he looked at the kids sparkling eyes.

“Alright then,” Violet said giggling.

“Hello, my name is Violet Baudelaire and this is my brother Klaus, and my sister Sunny,” Violet introduced.

“Hello, my name is Lemony Snicket and it’s a pleasure to finally meet you three.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> P.S. Jacques Snicket is very much angered by the Anonymous note


End file.
